we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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