Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
