She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
