I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
