dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
