please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
