Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
