you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
