She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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