did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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