Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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