Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
