Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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