i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
