How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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