i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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