Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I supernannyed him into submission
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
