We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
