I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
