to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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