There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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