omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I puked a lego.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
