My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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