so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
