OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
