Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
