Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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