you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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