What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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