they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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