My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
