I am puke
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
