he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
