problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
