All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
