dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you bring me the toilet please
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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