So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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