I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
