i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
