i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
