too bad you live with your parents still
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need a beard to bite.
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