is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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