she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
