and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
