There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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