Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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