And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
