During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
