You made me cry and you don't even care
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
