my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
