she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
