Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
